I used to always think I was hardly ever depressed. I feel really weird.

Today I started crying twice from being yelled at. I just feel weird. I know it will go away but I hate it. It's been happening more and more it seems like. I haven't had a good sleeping schedule..I've been staying up a couple days at a time and stuff.

Maybe I really am bipolar..But I don't think I really feel that way. I'm not crazy crazy. I don't feel all weird and nuts..I don't know. I can't describe it. I'm pretty much in control..I thought at least. I'm not sure, and that scares me. I know that I don't want to go to a doctor. They just want an excuse to pump you full of medicine, and I hate feelings like I can't control this. But it's getting really hard.

I've done the med thing..It never seemed like it helped but I never really took it regularly. I hate taking pills..it leaves a horrible after taste and stuff. I don't know. ..I started crying all over again writing this. I'm retarded some times. I keep telling myself how stupid I am so much. It's like there's 2 people inside my head. Always arguing with each other. Constantly telling me how stupid I am, how ugly, how fat, how irritating, how obnoxious..how everything. Just never ending.

I don't really have much else to say. I think I probably got some stuff out.