....

My friends piss me off. My family pisses me off. Every fucking thing pisses me off.

For real, I want to just freak out an start screaming. The truth is I would love to go out and get fucked up. Smoke some dope, and just fucking let go. I haven't been high off dope in forever. Fuck weed, that shit is gay. I'm so sick of bullshit. I don't hang out with 'druggies' or 'stoners' anymore..but the good kids. They are so boring. What the fuck. I want to go out to a party and get either really fucked up off dope, or just pissy ass drunk.

It's shroom season and I want to shroom so bad, but I know I shouldn't do it. Just for the simple fact, I'm a lot more different now, and I'd probably be all paranoid and have a bad trip. I'm not stupid. But dude.. I don't even know. It's like I'm depressed, but angry depressed. Like, everything inside me wants to break out and just destroy whatever is around me. I used to get like this and fight..I really wouldn't mind going out and just starting a fight. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe I'm just a flat out psycho.

I hate being home a lot. I get so frustrated. I think I slept probably 2 or 3 hours since yesterday..maybe that's why I'm in sucha bitchy mood.

Hey, I could always blame it on pms...but nooo wait. I can't. Yet another example of how I'm a fucked up kid that NEVER has normal shit happen.

I could just go through a list right now of people and the list would be my "Fuck You" list.

Alot of my "friends" would be on it. Okay, since I'm venting...There's this one chick I know.

She's such a great person...Gosh, always involved. Always the perfect kid.

"Hey, you're cool. We should hang out.."

These people try and get me to stay away from drugs... Well what the fuck.
I love being blown off. Like I'm a bad influence or just not quite right? Not fun?
Here's a flashing news update..I don't know you..you're a bitch. MAYBE..I'm not going to act like
Suzi from the fucking bake sale and pretend I've known you forever and just open up like life is great.

Seriously, I know if I hadn't moved..life wouldn't have been perfect..but I had a lot of friends. The kind I actually knew them. The real them. Not a bunch of super ficial "good intentioned" bitches. Like I'm some kind of low life scum? Fuck that.

I like to down play myself on purpose to people I meet and know. I dress like a grungy kid. Like I'm on well fare probably. I know for a fact a lot of peope think I'm some well fare case. Maybe not so much anymore, but if truth be told..I live in one of the nicest areas in this area. I'm surrounded by doctors and lawyers. I'm not bragging at all. It's just making a point that these people think I'm some kind of charity case. Fuck them.

I really don't want to go back to drugs and those people. But like, at least it fills up my week and I have shit that's fun to do. And they don't give a fuck about me. Just the drugs. Maybe I'm really into tht thing and just didn't know it. I really don't know. I can safely say..that none of my current 'friends' know all about the 'real' me. They know bits and pieces..enough to tie together with assumptions.

But like I said..Maybe I'm just one crazy bitch.